Hierarchy of body parts

Yesterday, I forgot to close my curtains properly before I fell asleep. I have been awake since 5am. Not functioning, full of derring and get-go, but frustratingly not asleep. I have spent 4 hours today in a frustrated, sun-drenched Twilight zone, where I was too tired to get up and close my curtains, and too covered in blazing sunshine to fall back asleep. (We all have our crosses to bear, it’s just mine is the worst).


Today is also the day that my Father is having the first of his cataract operations. ‘I am having each eye done separately,’ He announced last week. ‘To reduce the possibility of losing sight in both my eyes.’ ‘And also to give the surgeon twice the opportunity to blind you,’ I pointed out helpfully.
Anyway, all this talk of eyes has helped me to put together the following comprehensive list of body parts, in order of their value and disposability (by which I mean, ability to live without, not biodegradableness).

1. Eyes
These are totally disposable. Sunglasses mean no one would even have to know. Losing your eyes would allow a pleasant night’s sleep and let people think you were a person who saw ‘inner beauty’ when you accidentally snogged a monster.

2. Fingers
You only really need 2. Possibly 3. Stop being so bloody greedy.

3. Ears
Very little use indeed. You can hear what you are saying inside your head before you say it.

4. Tongue
Invaluable. Don’t be ridiculous.

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