I have started watching ‘Call the Midwife’.
(Yes, I am aware it is long gone from TV, but it’s on my Sky+ box and there was nothing on TV last night. Well, if I’m being strictly, painfully accurate there was lots on TV, but I had seen the ‘Friends’ re-runs 40,000 times and I don’t really care about ‘Embarrassing Bodies’, and it was 9.15pm, so I had missed irreplaceable moments of CSI:Miami.)
‘Call the Midwife’ and I didn’t get off to the best of starts. ‘There’s something wrong with the brightness setting,’ I muttered to myself, as Jessica Raine cycled into a catfight. I fiddled about with the TV remote to no avail. By the time I looked up, Jessica (who is either the main character or a pushy extra who has the means to pay for her own hair and make-up artist) was eating cake with an elderly nun. ‘Brilliant,’ I thought happily. ‘I have long wondered what happened to those Nazi-fighting nuns in ‘The Sound of Music’.
I am so pleased they have re-settled in East London. I wonder what type of cake that is. It looks lovely and moist.’ I wondered briefly if I should pause ‘Call the Midwife’ and bake myself a cake.
I’m glad I didn’t, because fairly soon after this a lady gave birth. Here are the things I once knew about giving birth:
1. It wreaks havoc on your undercarriage
2. It is imperative to get an epidural
3. It is possible to hold your husband’s hand so hard it breaks.
I have always thought I was pretty prepared for the whole thing. Here is what I now know about giving birth:
1. It wreaks havoc on everything
2. It is imperative to boil water. I have no idea why.
3. It is possibly the worst idea imaginable to let any man you wish to find you attractive anywhere near the labour room.
I was pitifully grateful for the low-lighting that the director has obviously decided is ‘atmospheric’.
‘Call the Midwife’ seems to be excellent (I have only watched the first episode, and am painfully aware of other TV series that tricked me into following them to dire second seasons). I would encourage all cake-eating to be done before watching, however.