My sister and I went years ago to see ‘In her Shoes’. We went to prove definitively which one of us was Cameron Diaz, and which unfortunate soul was to be Toni Collette, who has had the dreadful misfortune of being fat in her breakout movie, ‘Muriel’s Wedding’. (She states categorically that she has spent the rest of her career trying to prove to casting directors that she gained weight specifically for that role, and trying to draw parallels between herself and Renee Zellweger).
I’m not sure if agreeing to star alongside Cameron Diaz was the best move for someone trying to reposition themselves as ‘the pretty one’, but nevertheless my sister and I went to see the film. ‘I love popcorn,’ my sister declared as we entered the Odeon. ‘I know,’ I said, dismissively. ‘No, the reason I’m telling you is so that you will be prepared,’ she said. ‘Prepared for what?’ I asked. ‘For my popcorn,’ my sister said gleefully. I popped off to the loo, and returned to see my little sister clutching a box of popcorn the size of her face. (She is one of those people with a disarmingly large face). ‘Do you know what screen we’re in?’ I asked her enormous box of popcorn. ‘Hang on,’ she said. ‘Let me check.’ The popcorn wavered alarmingly before being thrust into my hands. ‘Don’t eat any,’ she told me sternly. ‘I’m saving it for the movie.’ We found the screen, and sat down. One of the earliest scenes is of Toni Collette sitting on her sofa, eating a tub of ice-cream the size of my little sister’s face. (Toni Collette has a normal sized face). ‘Aha!’ I said to my sister. ‘It’s all over now, baby blue. Gosh, I am so like Cameron Diaz. It’s ridiculous.’ I began humming Queen’s ‘We are the Champions’ to myself. Unfortunately at this very moment in the movie Toni Collette started singing to herself. My sister rounded back on me, presumably to declare the likeness too uncanny, but failed to account for the enormity of her popcorn, and threw most of the tub over us both. Amidst the whispered admonitions to be quiet, my little sister and I glumly accepted that the competition was still on.