I really must recommend the raspberry jelly at ‘Vital Ingredient’. It’s quite perfect. ‘Vital Ingredient’ is in fact more famous for providing made-to-order tossed salads and gourmet soups, but I have a gift. (I am also a little wary of ‘gourmet soups’, as once I ate an entire sprig of rosemary which had snuck its overpriced way into my soup. So scratchy). Anyway, I thought I deserved a treat today as my colleague this morning glanced at me then exclaimed, ‘You look so ILL. I mean, you look really TIRED. Are you OK? Why are your eyes all RED?’ At lunch no-one asked me about my weekend-probably because they all assumed I spent it smoking pot and gaming on my own. As it happens, I had a smashing weekend. (Thanks for asking). I popped off to the country. I like the country tremendously. My country persona is modelled on Elizabeth Taylor (‘National Velvet’),
Robert Redford (‘Out of Africa’)
and Heidi (Switzerland).
Essentially, I am a plaited, horse-riding sexpot. I wear it well. When I am in the country, I like to imagine how clean-living and healthful I will soon be. I will live off the land! I will walk the dogs while yodelling! I will stop to whistle to the cows before pouring myself a glass of their creamy milk! (My country persona has learnt everything she needs to know about the country from Cravendale adverts). I fit in perfectly. Unfortunately, I had made my usual meteorological assumption that the weather tomorrow would be exactly the same as it was today. Luckily, I could use my cable-knit jumper as a natty neck protector against the blazing sun. (Another excellent example of my seamless blending in). I never quite got round to all the dog walking and vegetable planting, but I had a splendid time lounging in the sun and drinking wine. It’s from the land! People probably thought I was a local.
unfashionablylost 