This is my beach. Please leave. Thank you.

The Zen Approach has just been trademarked. No, honestly. I should have written, the Zen Approach™. The copyright to ‘Zen Approach‘ (I am feeling decidely less Zen every time I have to scrabble around to superscript) is currently owned by a chap called George Pitagorsky, PMP. I don’t know what you have to do to get PMP after your name, but if George and 50cent both have it, I’m pretty certain it’s worth having. Anyway, I love love love the thought that you can just claim things as your own. (Quick look round the office as I’m not going to be coming back here).

1. When I was a child, I met up one Summer with a friend in Cannes. We had lunch (this was during the glory years, when I was allowed to order a plate of chips for my main meal. Looking back, I realise my parents were just cheap. And that I probably have scurvy), and after lunch we went for a swim on the beach. A PRIVATE BEACH. I’m pretty much a lawyer*, so please follow these instructions to claim your own private beach:

1. Find suitable beach. I suggest something with a nice historical overtone, like Bondi. Or Normandy.

2. Erect sign on chosen beach. Please do not make sign offensive. Something like, ‘This is my beach. Please leave. Thank you’.

3. Have a splendid time on your beach, undisturbed by people who look better in their swimsuits than you do.

*I have watched SEVERAL episodes of ‘The Good Wife’.

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