Mo Money, Mo Problems

When I was 14, I called my Father. I wanted a t-shirt I had seen in Topshop. It was pink, and had a picture of a cherry pie on it, and it said ‘juicy tart’. (I’m not saying I had fabulous taste, but I knew something about branding). Anyway, I dutifully called my Father and asked if I could have £14.99. Well, if I’m being strictly honest, I asked for £17 because I needed the bus fare. My Father thought, and decided ultimately that I did not need the t-shirt as he was ‘certain’ he had seen me previously wearing a t-shirt. It is hard to argue with logic like this. I often wish I had the same fiscal restraint. And more money. Here is some free financial advice:

1. Do not spend £65 on a white Comptoir des cotonniers t-shirt. You will not look like a beautiful French country princess. You will look like you have spilled Ribena on your shirt. 

2. Sometimes, you will go out to dinner. Order everything. You’re going to split the bill, so it’s the only financially responsible thing to do. Otherwise, you’re going to end up paying £28 for a salad and a diet coke.

3. It is ALWAYS worth spending money on the following:

a) Underwear. I can’t be bothered to explain all the reasons why, but to single-handedly fight and defeat a mountain bear, whilst knitting a rug for an aged relative and updating your CV, all you need is a truly excellent bra and knicker set.*

b) Haircuts. Trust me. I once cut my little brother’s hair and he was so distressed he was EXCUSED FROM SCHOOL FOR A DAY.

c) Perfume. I don’t know what they put in those SPECIAL CLEARANCE SALE bottles, but I suspect it is the tears of cave people who have only ever eaten offal and drunk lumpy milk.

*Factually accurate.

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