The key take-away for me from Tara Palmer-Tompkinson’s book is that one must wear neutral, preferably beige tones when flying in a private jet. This makes sure you don’t clash with the decor. Recently, I was having a little trouble with my iPod. So I popped off to that enormous Apple store on Regents street and started chatting to a nice boy there. He might have been nice, certainly, but helpful he was not. Obviously I tried to be as polite as possible, but really, if this is Jobs’ idea of well-trained staff then the iPad 3 is going to be a shambles. It was when I asked which charger I would need to buy and he looked at me blankly that I took to staring at him with a disapproving frown. While doing so, I took the time to look at him from head to toe (so he could really feel the full force of my growing disdain). Just happened to notice then that his blue t-shirt was missing the crucial white apple logo that all the other employees wore so proudly. I decided the least awkward thing to do would be to back away from this helpful civilian silently (though still frowning menacingly). If only Tara had written something about not wearing the same colour t-shirts as the employees.

Do not fret though, because I have taken something from this incident. I have bought the same gym kit as the female personal trainers at my gym. I simply cannot wait for other gymgoers to approach me earnestly with their training questions. I’ll probably have a fairly robust client list by next week.

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