Tag Archives: eyebrow shaping

Sneaky sneaky

I return from the bathroom. ‘Do you think I need to get my eyebrows shaped?’ I ask. My friend looks at me. ‘No,’ she says. ‘They’re fine.’ I continue with my day. That evening, brushing my teeth, I notice that huge swathes of eyebrows are occupying my forehead.

It’s a wonder I can see. I wonder why my friend has tried to sabotage me in this manner. It is possible that she noticed I had drunk rather a lot of her expensive raspberry and orange juice.

It still seemed a terribly sly way to wreak her revenge. I would have to watch my friend carefully in future. (And drink her juice more stealthily). My friend is not the only person I am watching. I spend much of my time keeping a wary eye on my little sister. It started in my bathroom. My doctor friend was visiting. (I am aware that this could sound as though I have a private doctor who was paying me a house call because I am wracked with some frightfully embarrassing illness. This is not the case. It’s just my friend, who happens to be a doctor).

‘Why do you have vitamin B tablets?’ she asked. ‘My little sister prescribed them for me,’ I told her. ‘Apparently I was displaying some of the symptoms of vitamin B deficiency. I didn’t want to make a fuss, I’m being terribly brave about the whole thing.’ My doctor friend looked at me oddly. ‘You know who gets vitamin B deficiencies?’ she asked me. ‘Extremely brave and funny people?’ I asked. ‘Um,’ she said. ‘We pretty much exclusively prescribe it for alcoholics.’ ‘Extremely brave and funny alcoholics?’ I asked cajolingly. It’s not the diagnosis I’m upset by. It’s the sneakiness. I’ll be watching them all from now on. Just as soon as I’ve plucked my eyebrows.

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The importance of grooming

Oh hello there. This is a post mostly to show people how up-to-date and politically aware I am. (Also, I am delighted to share my newly found knowledge, which is that you can GET THE TV ON THE BBC WEBSITE). Anyway, the Culture Committee Investigations were terribly good yesterday. I especially liked it when Mensch grilled Brooks, mostly because of the eyebrows. Here are some helpful grooming tips from me (I am the most groomed. I’m like the Shih-Tzu of the human world)

1. Eyebrows. Have them shaped. It’s painful. Sometimes it makes you sneeze. It takes much longer than you would expect. You can use this excess time to wonder why your eyebrow hairs are so firmly embedded into your tender scalp. You can question if eyebrow shaping is more or less painful than scalping. You can wonder if the waxist has gone rogue and is now removing all of your eyebrow. There’s plenty to keep you occupied.

2. Hair. Brush it. (It’s important to look presentable).

3. Nails. I am a huge fan of painted nails. Except on goths, because it looks like they’ve contracted some incurable disease, and have me reaching for my baby wipes. (I would like to take this opportunity to explain that baby wipes are certainly not just for babies. Unless by ‘baby’ you mean very together and clean adult who smells not at all like a nursery). Personally, I never paint my fingernails because the colour distracts me, and I spend all my working day admiring my hands. Which is less productive than you would think.

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