When I am old

I have been suffering with pneumonia, and naturally my thoughts have turned to old age, and also to death.

But being a perennially optimistic kinda gal, I have decided to focus more on old age. Here are the things I promise not to do:

When I am old
There will be things I don’t understand. Much as my parents don’t understand Twitter, or pop-up restaurants, or blogging. (“Yes, but darling, what is the point?” My Mother often asks. To be strictly fair to her, she’s probably not alone. Nevertheless, it is slightly galling to hear from one’s own Mother). Unlike my parents, I will accept the things I do not understand and never ever mention them. I will not wildly pepper my conversations with inaccurate references to ‘the latest new-fangled invention’. I will not threaten to ‘go on’ whatever new social networking thing is happening. I will not buy the latest phone and ask my children endlessly to explain ‘what it is doing’. I will happily continue to use out-of-date, 2012 technology and never bother anyone.

When I am old
There will be things I dislike. I will probably be annoyed by the fact that everyone talks in ‘txt speak’, or perhaps that they no longer bother to open their mouths to talk, but rather text their thoughts to people around the table. (Or will we still have tables? Perhaps we will only use hoverpads and floating cloud-like structures that instantly adapt to their environment, making spillages a thing of the past). Nonetheless, I will grin cheerfully and adapt. I will not stubbornly refuse to adapt, lugging my own, long obsolete table around everywhere I go. Instead of asking constantly, as my Father does, ‘what do you mean by ‘whatever’. What does it mean?’ I will, Zen-like, reply promptly to text-conversations whilst delicately balancing my bowl on my personl cloud.

When I am old
There will probably be loads of things I like, but like a good and respectable old person, I will be discreet about this.

In conclusion, although being old seems as though it will be quite rubbish for me, I am certain it will be an absolute delight for everyone who knows me. Something I will make quite sure to tell them.

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