Jury service

I’ve been thinking a lot about jury service. This is because I’ve been watching far too many episodes of ‘The Good Wife’,

 and now think I know how to influence a jury. I don’t. I have no idea. If I were in a jury I would spend most of my time trying not to fall asleep and wondering what the judge was wearing under their gown. Not in a creepy way, just as a point of interest. Is it pajamas? Or are they wearing a suit? Are they allowed to control the temperature of their courtroom? Because if I were a judge, I’d just crank the heating up skyhigh and sit comfortably in my underwear. The positives to this would be enormous. Firstly, I’d save my clothes from everyday wear and tear. Secondly, I’d reduce my morning routine by half. Thirdly, it would be metaphorically and literally apt that those in the stand should sweat.

I can see no downside whatsoever to my plan.

I assume that in order to be a judge one has to perform at least one session of jury service, so I’m keen to get mine out of the way. (I imagine you also have to take a few classes on gavel banging and wig wearing; but I can slot those in later). I am already totally prepared for my jury service. I will begin by saying nothing, and cultivating an air of mystery and wisdom. This will be easy, because I will be peering intently at the judge, trying to work out what sartorial choices he has made. When it comes to the crucial decision making debate, I will emerge from my shell of mysterious wisdom and quietly make my pronouncement. Which will be received with the gravitas it deserves, and followed by everyone. Like I said, I imagine jury service is the main training ground for our judges. I wonder if I can attend in my underwear?

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