Tag Archives: dinner parties

Avoiding questions and breakfast

Apparently at some, presumably Left Bank Parisian dinner parties, it is the height of rudeness to ask someone what they do. People talk rather about politics, and religion, and interesting movies, and everyone goes home feeling revived and invigorated after such a bracing dousing in the lives of others.

I suppose the French, always the leaders in this sort of thing, have realized that talking about other people’s jobs is tiresome. Equally, discovering that someone is a corporate lawyer really tells one very little about who that person actually is, apart from rich. (Which is, in itself, useful, but tricky to capitalize on at a dinner party).

It is for this reason (as well as a blinding and all-consuming lack of interest in other people) that I never ask people what they do. At an event last night, I noticed that other people still do. The trouble for me, I have realized, is that I can’t think in broad strokes. ‘An attention to detail,’ I pointed out to my little sister. ‘Is a wonderful thing.’ ‘No one cares what you had for breakfast,’ she replied, proving once again that she shouldn’t be allowed out to meet new people.

‘What do you do?’ someone asked me yesterday. I paused, but mostly because I was scanning the room quickly to check if my little sister was in earshot. ‘Well,’ I began happily. ‘There wasn’t any milk, so I had a cup of peppermint tea…’

Politics, religion and breakfast. Sometimes it’s quite tricky to be such a Left Bank darling.

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Stop moaning about Winter

Yesterday marked the first day that British women put on their black tights.
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It is officially the end of Summer. (I have absolutely no time for people who use calendars, or ‘official days’ to decide when the seasons start and finish. I cannot live my life by these wildly speculative and changeable measures. I am a very consistent and practical person.)*
 
At a dinner last night with various other, black-tighted ladies, I overheard several people complaining about Winter’s arrival. I was able to listen closely to their conversation, whilst maintaining my own, because I have recently realised that ‘being a good listener’ just involves not speaking when someone else is talking, and leaves one completely free to otherwise engage with the rest of the room/ your internal monologue.
 
Frowning vaguely in the direction of the person I was ‘listening’ to, I eavesdopped intently on their grumbling. ‘I can’t believe Summer’s over,’ One of them said angrily. ‘And now what will we do?’ Leaving aside my friend’s inability to perform even basic forecasting, I never quite understand people’s fury that Summer ends.
 
Summer is not like Ryan Gosling, where every moment is a magical, wonderous joy-ride.
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Summer is the first man you ever dumped- unpredictable, unreliable and, despite all its good points, not ‘the one’.
 
Which is why, when Summer finally stops taunting us, stringing us along with its feckless promises of sunshine and happiness, we should welcome Winter with open arms. Winter is the best boyfriend you ever had. It is comforting and reliable and stays with you for ages. It lets you wear huge jumpers and get fat and never makes you go out. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, because it’s early days, but Winter may just be ‘the one’.
 
Which is precisely what I would have said last night, if I hadn’t been distracted by the growing ladder in my black tights. ‘Ah well,’ I remarked loudly to my dinner companion. ‘There are always some snags in the beginning.’ Which he was somewhat suprised by, because apparently he had been talking about Putin.
 
 

*In entirely unrelated news, I have a set of kettlebells that need to go to a good home*

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New wave hosting

‘Come to my house for lunch,’ I told some friends. ‘Come at 1pm.’ I was worried they might get the wrong end of the stick, so I quickly sent a follow-up email. ‘Really looking forward to seeing you all this Saturday,’ I wrote. ‘If you could each bring one of the following, that’d be great.’ I then casually listed every item one would need for a lunch.

My friends brought everything they were told to, and we had a very good time. I had a particularly good time, bathing in the ‘good hostess’ glow whilst having to do almost nothing. In my defence, I chucked an extraordinary and fairly unpalatable assortment of booze onto the kitchen table as soon as they arrived. I like to use my guests to get rid of things I can’t be bothered to pour down the sink/ chuck into the bin. I expect my ‘how to hostess’ reality TV show will soon be picked up by SkyLiving.

As my guests carefully loaded the dishwasher and wiped down the table before they left, I felt inordinately smug. I had clearly invented the new wave in lunch parties.

Today, my friend asked me over for dinner. ‘I have tomato, onion, lentil and chorizo soup. If you like that sound of that, bring bread.’

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I can’t help feeling I’m being taken for a ride. He better have some excellently awful alcohol he wants to get rid of.

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