We have an oversized, over-capable, overly expensive TV. It sits flush in the middle of our living room wall, and all of our sofas are pointed towards it. In fact, apart from the lack of a mini-fridge in the same room (it’s a perpetual battle, but I think I’m slowly winning), everything is set up for the perfect TV watching experience. Yet watching TV with my little sister is one of my least favourite things to do. Here are the reasons why:
1. She spends a great deal of time asking invasive and inappropriate questions.
‘Are you crying?’ ‘Why are you crying?’ ‘You know this is an advert, right?’
2. She keeps up a running commentary on whatever food I decide to eat. ‘That’s a family-sized pack.’ ‘Are you planning on running a marathon after this?’ ‘That’s about as much sugar as a person should eat. In a week.’
3. She makes hurtful and insinuating remarks about my TV choices.
‘This is a kid’s show. Why are you confused? It’s aimed at under-10s.’
(For those of you who also watch this show, my puzzlement centres more on the obvious parental neglect: where are Charlie and Lola’s mum and dad?)
4. She’s terrible at giving plot summaries. Any dash to the loo is certain death for my continued understanding of the TV show.
‘What did I miss?’ ‘Something happened to that girl. No, the other girl.’ The new girl. Oh, I think you’d left before she came on.’
5. She doesn’t really care about any of the characters.
‘Why are you crying? These aren’t real people.’