Sleeping around

I’ve just returned from New Zealand. I returned on Friday, after a flight spent sandwiched between a woman who kicked the back of my seat continually, no matter how many times I politely turned around and glared at her menacingly (obviously the excruciating annoyance of her kicking was far preferable to the unimaginable embarrassment of saying anything) and 4 members of the Barmy Army, who took full and vocal advantage of the airline’s free booze policy.

Usually able to sleep through anything, I remained firmly awake. My flight landed at 3.30pm, and I was home by 5pm. ‘Hello!’ I said cheerily as I entered my flat. ‘Wake up!’ No matter what time it is, I enter my flat exhorting my flatmates to wake up. They are terribly lazy. True to form, my little sister poked her head blearily out of her bedroom. ‘What time is it?’ she asked. ‘5.10,’ I told her. (It had taken me several attempts to lug my suitcases and various paraphernalia up the stairs). ‘It is really not appropriate to still be in bed,’ I continued smugly. As someone who believes firmly in the moral import of getting up early, any occasion to berate my flatmates is coveted. Faced with my own moral high ground, my little sister began making her excuses. ‘I’m on nights,’ she said. ‘Well,’ I replied, somewhat ambushed but still fighting for ground. ‘It’s not good for you to sleep in the day. Look at me, fresh off a 25 hour flight. Do you see me in bed?’ My little sister mumbled something incoherent, glared at me in a way that made me remember home is where the heart is, and went back to sleep. I went out for dinner.

‘Aren’t you tired?’ One of my friends asked. ‘Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I don’t believe in jetlag.’ I could tell by everyone’s faces how pleased they were that I was home. I still don’t believe in jetlag, but am pleased to report that my ability to sleep through anything has returned, as I bypassed Saturday altogether. Luckily, both of my flatmates were away, so this dreadful lapse in moral over-lording went unnoticed. The moral high-ground and 18 hours of sleep? It feels good to be home.*

*Data on how everyone else feels about my return was not available at this time.  

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