Work from home and avoid your colleagues

Today, the 17th May, is National Work from Home day. (No, honestly. I’ve received several press releases about it already. On the spectrum of made-up holidays, it’s been as bad as National Sibling Day). Unusually, this week I’ve been in an office, working alongside other, real-life human people. My normal working day sees me sharing intimate, involved conversations with Eric, my artist mannequin. I cannot wait to return to Eric’s calm and sage presence, after the week I have spent with these so-called ‘colleagues’.
There are a million brilliant reasons to work at home, but here are the 5 best things you will be able to avoid:

1. People who shake their head, or nod enthusiastically, or really respond physically in any manner whilst reading a text message. It’s a bloody text message. It’s not a marriage proposal. There’s no need to get your whole physical self involved. (If it is a marriage proposal, say no. Immediately).

2. People who comment on what you are eating. ‘Ooh,’ They begin. ‘What’s that?’ ‘My food,’ You reply tersely. ‘Ooh,’ They continue. ‘Do you like that?’ (Apparently it is not the done thing to throw any remaining food at your colleague at this time, asking ‘Do YOU like that?’)

3. People who breathe funny.

4. People who ask you for help. I am not here to help you. I am here to track my Amazon orders, pester my friends electronically and perfect my fake-concentrating face.

5. People who make promises they can’t deliver. (My colleague said she was bringing in home-made chocolate chip cookies today. She did not. I can barely keep it together. Eric would never ever do this to me*).

*Eric is an inanimate object. He can’t bake, don’t be ridiculous.*

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