The perfect guest

One of my friends is on a boat.

I’m terribly worried about him.  It’s a boat belonging to another friend’s parents, and I’m really not sure that my friend is making the most of it. There are several things it is imperative to do when invited as someone’s guest. (These rules apply generally, but on a big-ticket item such as a boat, they are even more vital)

1. A good host will tell you to ‘make yourself at home’. Do. If you feel like taking a quick bath before dinner, feel free.

Wander into the kitchen, grumble about the quality of snacks on offer, yell at your host about how you are ‘always the one who does the washing up’, snaffle some socks.

2. There is nothing worse than a guest who does not know how to entertain themselves. Therefore, as soon as you arrive at your host’s house/ cottage/ boat/ car, make sure to find plenty of things to pass the time with. I personally have found that the best finds tend to be squirrelled away by over-cautious hosts in drawers and cupboards- so make sure to have a  thorough rootle around.

3. Hosts like to feel useful and needed, so help them to achieve this by arriving without luggage.

(Honestly, nothing advances friendships further than sharing a toothbrush).

4. One of the very worst things about becoming a grown-up is the demise of the party bag. Rectify this. On the morning of your departure, walk around the place taking things you like the look of.

5. This last one is particularly for my boat-bound friend- remember, you’re the guest. Which means, if, Titanic-like, there are not enough lifeboats to go around, you get first dibs. 

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