It’s not me, it’s her

My therapist doesn’t want to see me anymore. Hang on. My therapist and I have decided that I am doing well, and there’s no need for me to see her at the moment.  We’re taking a break. Basically, it’s not me, it’s her. Or something. Anyway, I’ve been dumped by my therapist.

But not to worry, I am already deep into a plan to win her back. There are 5 stages to this infallible plan. (It’s like the Tour de France, but with less yellow. No-one looks good in yellow).

Stage 1.

Email her, asking for her back.

“Dear HL,

I do not like not seeing you. Can I come see you please?


“Dear Lucy,

Is there anything you need to discuss?


“Dear HL,

No. But I could invent  something.


Dear Lucy,



Stage 2

Act cool, so she wants you more.

“Dear HL,

I’m over you.


Stage 3

Let her know you’re still thinking about her, so she remembers what a nice person you are.

“Dear HL,

In unrelated news, I have made you a CD. It was going to have a photo of our faces merged  together for the CD sleeve, but I couldn’t find any photos of you.


Stage 4

Start early-stage investigations into getting a new therapist. ‘Accidentally’ cc her into the email, so she is wildly jealous.

“Dear new-much-better-therapist

I would be delighted to come for a session this Thursday. I will bring cake.’


Stage 5

Wait for therapist to get in contact, talking about how she has made a terrible mistake. It is nice at this point to be gracious. (Also ask for photo, so you can complete CD cover).

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