My therapist doesn’t want to see me anymore. Hang on. My therapist and I have decided that I am doing well, and there’s no need for me to see her at the moment. We’re taking a break. Basically, it’s not me, it’s her. Or something. Anyway, I’ve been dumped by my therapist.
But not to worry, I am already deep into a plan to win her back. There are 5 stages to this infallible plan. (It’s like the Tour de France, but with less yellow. No-one looks good in yellow).
Stage 1.
Email her, asking for her back.
“Dear HL,
I do not like not seeing you. Can I come see you please?
Lucy.”
“Dear Lucy,
Is there anything you need to discuss?
HL.”
“Dear HL,
No. But I could invent something.
Lucy.”
Dear Lucy,
No.
HL.”
Stage 2
Act cool, so she wants you more.
“Dear HL,
I’m over you.
Lucy.”
Stage 3
Let her know you’re still thinking about her, so she remembers what a nice person you are.
“Dear HL,
In unrelated news, I have made you a CD. It was going to have a photo of our faces merged together for the CD sleeve, but I couldn’t find any photos of you.
Lucy.”
Stage 4
Start early-stage investigations into getting a new therapist. ‘Accidentally’ cc her into the email, so she is wildly jealous.
“Dear new-much-better-therapist
I would be delighted to come for a session this Thursday. I will bring cake.’
Lucy.”
Stage 5
Wait for therapist to get in contact, talking about how she has made a terrible mistake. It is nice at this point to be gracious. (Also ask for photo, so you can complete CD cover).
unfashionablylost 