Impeccably groomed

I was in New York a few days ago, and with impeccable financial insight, I decided to save myself some money by having a mani-pedi. (In London, I squander money frivolously by painting my own nails. If you would like to see me for wealth management advice, please feel free to do so). I dragged my friend along, mostly because I have a tendency to panic when faced with overwhelming amounts of colour.

(No, honestly. When I was asked what colour bridesmaid dress I wanted, aged 7, and told I could choose ‘any colour at all’ I plumped for black. Although my favourite colour was purple, but I was so panicked I forgot there were any other colours apart from black and white. And the bride did not seem particularly happy when I initially choose white).

We went to a nail salon recommended by my NY-based friend, who promised that they would be ‘nice’ (my question) and ‘cheap’ (my other friend’s question). Here are the things I have learnt about mani-pedis:

1. They do not like it if you read a magazine whilst they paint your nails. Not even if you only turn the pages with the hand they have already painted, and therefore is flapping about free as a bird.

2. They do not like it if, when they are exfoliating your heels, you find it so ticklish that you kick out, and splash water on them. (They put your feet into the world’s smallest paddling pools. They also do not like it if you have a quick paddle about in them).

3. They do not like it if you change your mind about what nail varnish colour you want more than 3 times. Apparently, it is not a ‘try before you buy’ sort of deal.

4. They do not like it if, whilst making small talk, you ask for a detailed description of the ugliest feet they have ever worked with.

5. They do like it if you tip. But they do not like it, if once you have tipped, you attempt to ‘make your money back’ by taking all the free mints.