Tag Archives: sharing

I hate nice

‘He is unfailingly nice,” my friend replied when I asked her about a mutual friend’s boyfriend. “Which I find alarming.” “I agree,” I replied.

There is something deeply unsettling about impeccably nice people. I say this not only because I myself would never be described thus, years of growing up alongside my entirely odd parents and a succession of less-than-normal Aussie nannies having put paid to that years ago, but because I truly believe that it is in people’s oddness that we find something to like.

The moments when I have felt true, almost painful love for the people I know have certainly not arisen from anything “normal” they have been doing. (To be fair, I doubt very much that anyone is struck with how much they love their friends whilst watching them rail futilely from the toilet about the lack of loo roll. But still.)

“Nice how?” I asked my friend, picturing scenes of unrelenting chair-offering and the giving-away of the last piece of cake.

“Just, you know, nice,” She replied. “All the time.” At this point another friend joined us. “What are you talking about?” She asked. “Niceness,” I replied gloomily. “Oh god,” She said. “I hate nice people. They make me feel deeply uncomfortable and when with them, no-one ever makes a decision, because they’re so busy considering other people’s feelings.”

“Excellent point,” I said, reaching over my friends to take the last canape. Having happily surrounded myself with oddballs and weirdos, I certainly don’t see any need to change things now.

Though given the subsequent look of anger and reproach on my friends’ faces, as I happily chewed away, I may be forced to.

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I’m still furious- I’m just putting it on ice.

Just before our Father picked us up, my little sister and I had a blazing row.

‘Look,’ She hissed at me furiously as we walked to the restaurant. ‘I have to work the next 14 days straight, 12-hour shifts. If you’re going to be horrible, you should just go home.’ ‘I can’t,’ I replied venomously. ‘Because you rushed me and now I don’t have my keys or my phone, so I can’t. I’m just going to stay here and be furious at you instead.’ At this point, my Father wandered over to see what we were talking about. ‘Nothing,’ My little sister replied sweetly, glaring at me. ‘Nothing at all,’ I repeated, turning to whisper to my sister, ‘I have not forgotten how cross I am with you. It’s just, as a grown-up, I’m putting it on ice. We’ll deal with this later.’

My little sister nodded in understanding. ‘On ice,’ I hissed as I followed her and my Father into the restaurant.

We were arguing furiously yet secretly because I wanted Italian, and my little sister wanted Indian. Being the more mature sibling (emotionally- age wise there’s very little in it), I tried to explain. ‘I really like Indian,’ I began graciously. ‘But I do not like sharing food with Dad.’ My little sister nodded in agreement. My Father has many excellent qualities. Sharing is not one of them. My Father shares precisely as Archimedes would- exactly.

‘I don’t want so much,’ You complain as he painstakingly distributes your allotted share. ‘And she doesn’t like tomatoes.’ Personal needs and desires are not taken into account by my Father, who shares food in a manner that would make Marx shiver in joy.

At the restaurant, we staged a mini-capitalist coup, and had a very pleasant evening, each of us carefully guarding our own little plot of individual food, whilst me and my little sister intermittently hissed at each other, ‘On ice.’ All in all, it was one of the more family-themed events of the last month- everyone zealously looking after their own needs, whilst half the table were engaged in a secret yet furious row. It seems like the long wait til next Christmas will fly by- though possibly not for my little sister, who seems to be working an extraordinary amount. (I will be sure to point this out to her- people really like that).

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