‘Ugh,’ My friend’s housemate said exasperatedly. ‘Can’t one of them just get a bloody goal?’
Her boyfriend, already cross at watching the England game with a bunch of girls, shot her a look of hatred. ‘I’m sorry,’ She said, unapologetically. ‘I don’t want to be stereotypical, but this match is bloody boring.’
It was a boring match (until the inevitable, and heartbreaking last 6 minutes), so I had plenty of time to think about stereotypes. People are unfairly biased against stereotypes. Personally, I love them. I use them in abundance, because they’re always* true, and free up my mind for other, much more important things, like whether salt and vinegar or cheese and onion is the best crisp flavour.
So, the next time you unfairly let your own prejudices stop you from making a stereotypical comment, remember this:
1. Women do prefer to go to the toilet together. This is mostly because the queues in women’s toilets are so enormous that we have to operate a ‘buddy system’ simply in order to survive the ordeal. Also, we like to gossip. And lipstick.
2. Foreigners are odd. I know this, because my therapist is one. Actually, it’s probably not fair to make sweeping, uncorroborated statements like that. Kiwis are odd.
3. Foxes are wily.
Now, with this one, I can’t claim a personal relationship, as with the Kiwis (yes, I know, I only know one, but how many are there, really? Even on their own island, they’re subservient to the local sheep), but yesterday I was eating a curry at my friend’s house, and a fox brazenly walked across her garden wall. ‘Well,’ I thought to myself. ‘That’s not very cunning at all, is it?’ It was only later that I noticed all the naan had gone. ‘Ah,’ I said happily. ‘The classic re-direction.’
4. The British are very polite, and love to queue. I was in the States recently, and driven nearly to distraction by their inability to follow the simple ‘stand on the right, walk on the left’ escalator rule. Obviously, I didn’t say anything. That would have been terribly rude. Also, I had to conserve my energy for pushing my way past the hordes of New Yorkers.
*factually inaccurate*
unfashionablylost 